Time for a Break

Life comes at you fast. This statement has never been more accurate in my 22 years of being alive. In fact, I think it is safe to say that life also comes at you chaotically, stressfully, and overwhelmingly. We have been in school for a little over a month and after basically an entire month of Theta rush activities, on top of the menial 12 hours I am taking, combined with my internship at the church, and along with my Theta and ICC presidencies, Fall Break cannot come soon enough! Actually, I think I'm ready for Christmas Break.

Theta First Day of School 2009

With all the chaos and stress this past month entailed, I have found that my priorities have been juggled around tremendously; and, although I have been aware of this drastic priority alteration, I have yet to do anything about it. My six weeks grades will prove that my academics have definitely taken a backseat to Theta and my cluttered and stressful life surely indicates that my relationship with God has taken a backseat to almost everything else. It is because of this shift in priorities that I have been anxiously awaiting Fall Break. I need a break from all the distractions that have gotten me to this point of apathy. In the past week alone I can count at least five times that I have said, "I just don't care." I am so overwhelmed that I have stopped caring about some very important aspects of my life; which, in case you don't know, is very uncharacteristic of me.

For the first time in a long time I am desperately looking forward to the boring two-hour drive to Cordell with nothing to see except as far as the eye can see. There are no major highways in Cordell and there are no buildings over three stories tall. There is nothing in Cordell to write home about and that is why I love it. I love that I can see four different towns from the balcony at my house. I love that I cannot go anywhere without seeing someone that I not only know, but who has a genuine interest in my life. I love that as soon as I pull in the driveway Liko will be waiting to greet me. I love that I will get to see my little sister cheer for the first time. I love that I will get to sleep in my own bed and be awaken only by the little sliver of light that comes through the window in my bedroom.

My Backyard

Liko

I need a break. This semester has been full of change and transition. And while I am not opposed to change, I find that I sometimes have trouble transitioning. I have gone from a member of Theta to the president of Theta. I have gone from simply being best friends with my best friend to living with her. I have gone from simply attending Sunday and Wednesday church services to planning them. I have gone from being "just friends" to "more than just friends" and back again. I have gone from mostly A's to mostly B's. I have gone from daily Bible reader to "Sunday only" Bible reader. I have experienced so many new things and have been given so many wonderful opportunities and in the midst of it all I have lost sight of the most important things in my life: God and my family. I am eager to get back to where I need to be, but I am nervous that I will not get there. And if I do get there, will I be able to stay there?

I am ready for a break and I am ready to regroup. I am ready to get my priorities back in order and I am ready to get rid of all the stresses that are weighing me down. I am ready to care again.

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”’
-Matthew 11:28

Farewell Summer, Hello Real World

After three months of hanging out with a three year-old, a five year-old, a seven year-old and an eight year-old almost daily, I am now back to "Big Kid Land" and the stresses of college, money and busyness in general have taken over. I'm glad to be back at school with my friends, but I miss the kiddos everyday. Their innocent smiles and carefree giggles were always enough to make the stresses of each day fade away; and, now that those daily stresses are more prevalent than ever I am in desperate need of a snow cone run, a day at the pool, a trip to the zoo or a goodnight kiss from two sweet little boys. While these simple pleasures are not at my fingertips anymore like they were all summer, a day does not go by that I don't think about the four kiddos that reminded me what it was like to be a kid again. A slice of pizza, flipping past the Disney channel, a snow cone stand and even Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer", all remind me of one of the greatest summers in recent years.

A Day at the Zoo

While this summer was an amazing getaway from the real world, it also served as a means of expanding my everyday vocabulary to words such as "silly", "shooey" and "toot". Furthermore, my diet of frozen pizza, ice cream, snow cones, fruit snacks, and Goldfish, was a sole contributor to my 10-pound weight gain. And I must contribute my immense knowledge about shows such as, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Wizards of Waverly Place, Phineas and Ferb, and Hannah Montanta, to the rainy days spent inside.

All in all this summer will go down in the books as one of most rewarding experiences in my life. Not only because it made me reevaluate the number of children I want, but also because it gave me the opportunity to get to know my cousins and taught me how to relax and go with the flow.

Remembering the Alamo...and Long-Lost Friends

After a month of planning and anticipation, Ben, Becca and I loaded up the Camry and headed to Texas last Wednesday to visit our long lost BFF Reid who just moved to San Antonio in June. We departed from Edmond at 7:15 p.m. on Wednesday and after a 7-hour drive filled with traveling games, loud music, and junk food, we arrived at the Keystone apartment complex in San Antonio at 2:30 a.m. on Thursday.

Southbound on I-35.

Upon arrival we went straight to sleep and slept until 12:30 while Reid was hard at work at his grown-up job at Jos. A. Bank. Luckily, we were able to visit Reid at work after eating lunch at Whole Foods. Ben and Becca had pizza and I had a Tuscan chicken sandwich. I would say it was a good experience overall.

Grown-up Reid and tank top Ben.

When Reid got off work we all went grocery shopping at H•E•B to get supplies for our cookout. This was my first H•E•B experience and I must say, I was pretty impressed. (Aside: Just visited the H•E•B website where I discovered that H•E•B stands for "Here Everything's Better. Definitely agree that it is better than Oklahoma grocery stores.)

We went back to Reid's apartment and the boys set out to start grilling. Thankfully Reid's roommate Scott was there to start the fire. After eating the awesome burgers the boys made for us we went back to the apartment and had peach cobbler and vanilla ice cream (my housewarming gift to Reid). After hanging out at the apartment and watching Season 1 of Entourage we decided to go for a night swim where we played the movie game and were entertained/annoyed by Reid's performance of Chi Spring Sing shows from the last decade. After the swim we went back and watched X2, the Reid Agan commentary edition.

Group swim pic.

On Friday we got up around 11, watched some more Entourage Season 1, then headed to New Braunfels, TX, to float down the Comal River. Not being a huge fan of water untreated by chlorine, I was slightly leery of this adventure, but it turned out to be a lot of fun!

Sexy boys.

After three hours on the river we headed back to the apartment and got ready for dinner and the Rocketboy's concert. We had dinner at "Alamo Café" then we headed to Sam's Burger Joint to hear the Rocketboys and Quiet Company. I hadn't heard either of these bands before Friday night, but I ended up really liking them! After the concert we went back to Reid's, listened to Jack FM and played darts.

Check out Reid's sexy new frat boy look.

Saturday was "tourist day". First stop was Big Lou's Pizza where they make 42" pizzas. We weren't really feeling up to the challenge, so Ben and Reid split a regular sized pizza and Becca and i split a calzone. I think I can speak for us all when I say it was awesome! Next we headed to the Rivercenter in downtown San Antonio where we watched Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams inThe Time Travler's Wife. Not very touristy, but it was a decent movie nonetheless.

Outside of Big Lou's

After visiting the Alamo in San Antonio's 105º weather the gang headed to Lulu's Bakery & Cafe where they make giant cinnamon rolls! However, upon our arrival we discovered that we would have to wait two to three hours to taste one of their enormous cinnamon rolls...so we left.

Saturday night we all pitched in and made awesome fajitas (thanks to H•E•B's fajita meal deal)! Becca made some great guacamole in which we dipped the Texas-shaped tortilla chips we purchased at H•E•B! The rest of the evening was spent hanging out at the apartment cherishing our last night with our long-lost friend. Unless you are Becca and passed out on Benadryl.

Family dinner!

Sunday morning Becca, Ben and I, sadly packed our suitcases and loaded up the Camry once again to head back to Oklahoma. Our weekend in San Antonio with our gracious host Reid was well worth the 16-hour roundtrip. The four days I spent in Texas further affirmed my desire to live there before I die. It also reminded me that I have awesome friends with whom I love hanging out!

Bye Reid! Have fun being a grown-up!

The McKee's Go To Mexico

After spending a week on the beach in the Mayan Riviera and withstanding a cancelled flight back to the U.S., my family finally returned to the states a month ago where we were greeted at DFW International with friendly English-speaking airport personnel with Southern accents. Mexico was awesome, but it sure felt great to be back in the land of the free with normal ketchup, safe water, and no language barrier (well, less of a language barrier).

The fam at the Mayan city of Tulum.

Our week in Mexico was full of laughs, surprises, awkward moments, and setbacks. Thankfully I kept a journal of each of these occurrences. While reading them I have suddenly come to the conclusion that if some desperate movie producer decided to make a movie based on McKee Family vacations it would undoubtedly show up next to Earnest Goes to Camp and National Lampoon's Vacation at Blockbuster. Don't believe me? Keep reading.

In order to save a little bit of money on our airfare, my parents decided that we should fly out of Dallas rather than Oklahoma City; so, the Sunday morning before our flight we loaded up the truck and headed south on I-35 excited about our upcoming vacation. Our flight was at 7:00 on Monday morning, meaning we would need to be at the airport at 5:00 A.M. My mom made everyone their own personal food baggie filled with pretzels and crackers for the flight because Heaven forbid the McKee’s go two and a half hours without eating. My dad, being the opposite of laid back, made us ALL set the alarms on our phones for different times between 3:30 and 4:20 to ensure we wouldn’t oversleep and miss our flight; all this along with a 3:45 wake-up call from the front desk.

Five alarms and one wake-up call later we were at the airport, bags in tow, ready to get to Mexico. My older sister Lindsey was set on flying out in style, wearing a dress, wedges and a full face of makeup. I, on the other hand, was perfectly content makeup-free, still wearing the basketball shorts and T-shirt I had put on the previous morning.

Hanging out at DFW International Airport at 5:00 a.m.

After gathering all our luggage from the baggage claim of the Cancun airport we headed toward Customs only to be selected for a random luggage search. It was at this point in time, as two native airport workers were rummaging through our personal belongings, that my dad discovered that his Aqua Velva had spilled in his suitcase and was all over his festive tropical shirts. Slight buzz-kill, but we all bounced back and headed out the door toward our shuttle.

Upon exiting the airport I was immediately offered a “cerveza” after accidentally reading a sign on the “Welcome Bar” out loud that said, “Cerveza por favor.” Of course I declined and boarded the hotel shuttle.

An hour and a half later we were dropped off at the Catalonia Riviera Maya where we were greeted with tropical juice in champagne glasses. We received our all-inclusive bracelets and headed to our hotel rooms to change into our swimsuits and head to the beach.

We headed out to the pool area only to be welcomed by old, topless women at the swim up bar. After adjusting to the shock and regaining our appetites we hit up the snack bar. At this point we had gone nearly five hours without eating which may have been a McKee family record.

Ok, since this blog is already entirely too long I am going to proceed by summing up the rest of our vacation with bulleted lists:

Monday

• Mom wore her T-shirt backwards for a good sum of the day.
• First time for me to fly over water.
• First time for me to use an airplane bathroom.
• Filled out form indicating any swine flu symptoms we may have.
• Wore the exact same outfit for 28 hours.
• Lindsey got a drink bought for her as soon as we got to the resort.
• Topless swimmers.

Me and Dad on the plane. This is the outfit I wore for 28 hours.

Tuesday

• Rode waves in the ocean for my first and last time. Got motion sick and decided I don’t like the ocean as much as I like the beach.
• Dad taught my little sister how to take a shot.
• Quote from Dad: “I thought you could only eat avocados after they had been guacamolized.”
• Mom sipped a 1-ounce shot of Parrot Bay.
• Ate peppers for the first time on the best fajitas ever.
• Hung out in the hotel lounge with my sisters.
• Called Mom and Dad’s room at one in the morning to let them know we were back safely and weren’t sure if it was dad on the phone, so my little sister called him back and quizzed him to verify his identity.
• Watched our black and white TV. Found out that after 30 minutes it switched to color (unless you hit the top, then it only took 3 seconds).

Dinner at the Mexican restaurant at our resort.

Wednesday

• Gave Dad a Spanish lesson at dinner. Informed him that speaking to the natives in a loud voice and adding “o” to the end of English words does not ensure that they will understand you.

Thursday

• Zip-lined through the jungle.
• Tour guide knew Mom’s name and partial life story within the first hour of the trip.
• Mom wore her motion-sickness preventive wristbands on the ride to the zip-line and still almost had to pull over.
• Swam in a cenote.
• The McKee family was in the background of everyone else’s cenote picture.
• I dropped my snorkel and mask as soon as I set foot in the cenote and they sunk to the bottom while flailing for my life, so my little sister used her long legs and long toes to retrieve them.
• Lindsey lost her second pair of Coach sunglasses.
• Learned that Caesar dressing is made out of anchovies.

The McKee's in the cenote.

Friday

• Counted 50 mosquito bites on my body from the zip-line in the jungle.
• Mom gave me some of my little sister’s epidermis dermatitis pills (relieves itching).
• Ended up taking a four-hour nap on the beach because apparently if you don’t actually have epidermis dermatitis the pills work as a mild sedative.

Saturday

• Lindsey and I spent the morning in the hotel spa.
• Got to the airport three hours before our flight only to find out it had been delayed two hours.
• Found out an hour later that it was in fact cancelled.
• Stayed the night at the Courtyard by Marriott in Cancun.
• Got up at 3 in the morning to catch our new flight.
• Realized that Mom spoke to every single native she encountered with proper English. Their confused and utterly lost expression did not faze her.
• Arrived back at the Cancun airport where the security alarms began sounding throughout the entire airport. There was never an explanation.
• My backpack got searched and wiped down with wet wipes. No explanation for that either.
• Arrived in Dallas and kissed the ground.

McKee Family vacations are, without a doubt, always overly dramatic, super embarrassing and slightly awkward at times; however, I think I can speak for all of us when I say we had a blast in Mexico and enjoyed our week of family bonding, sun, food, swimming, and relaxation.

Mayday Parade in OKC

My good friend Ben and I hit up the Coca Cola Events Center in Bricktown tonight to see Mayday Parade in concert. We were entertained by four opening bands while we anxiously waited for Mayday Parade to take the stage: For the Atlantic, Theatre Breaks Loose, Unmarked Cars and The Taking State All of the opening bands were local and while one or two showed signs of a promising future the others were definitely sub par. However, it was worth withstanding their mediocrity to hear Mayday live.

The guys opened with "Take This To Heart" from their album A Lesson in Romantics, along with "Black Cat", "Ocean And Atlantic", "Jersey", "Miserable at Best", "I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About" and "When I Get Home You're So Dead", along with "Your Song" and "Three Cheers for Five Years" from their EP album Tales Told by Dead Friends. They also sang "Anywhere But Here" which will appear on their new album coming out October 6, 2009, and a cover of The Pussycat Dolls' "When I Grow Up".

"I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About"

Overall it was a great night full of great music, new and old. I can't wait to check out Mayday Parade's new CD on October 6th!

Clichés Part I: Most Used

I love clichés.  I was unaware of my passion for clichés until my friends started pointing out the fact that I tend to implement at least one cliché into any given conversation.  In Human Resource Management last fall I succeeded in using three different clichés in one 30-minute presentation about first jobs.  Until now I haven't put much thought into my cliché fetish; however, I have compiled a list of my top 20 most used clichés for you Deliberations readers out there (initially I was only going to compile a top 10 list, but there was no way I could narrow it down that much).

20. “What a nail biter!” - Used while watching an intense sporting event where the score is neck and neck…usually an intramural basketball, football or softball game.

19. “Beggars can’t be choosers.” – Used when someone is being high maintenance and wants to have their cake and eat it too.  

18. “He/she rubs me the wrong way.” – Used when someone really chaps my hide.  I like this one because you don’t necessarily have to give a specific reason for not liking the person.

17. “We’re in the same boat.” – Used when one finds themselves in the same predicament as someone else; up a creek without a paddle, between a rock and a hard place, etc.

16. “I’m turning over a new leaf.” – Used when one decides to change his or her ways.  The fact that it’s on my top 20 most used list indicates that I decide to change my ways often. 

15. “I’ll pencil you in” – Used to make tentative plans with someone.  I mostly like using this cliché because it makes me sound important.

14. “Up a creek (without a paddle)” – Used when one is in a rather sticky situation.  As indicated by the parentheses, I prefer to simply use the first part of this classic cliché because I assume that most anyone could fill in the rest.

13. “It’s nothing to write home about.” – Used when something is sub-par and not noteworthy.  My good friend Jaclyn, who also shares my passion for clichés, introduced me to this one.  Thanks Jac! 

12. “That hit the spot!” – Used when something satisfies one's taste buds or desires.  Usually, but not limited to, a DDP (Diet Dr. Pepper) or CLA (Cherry Limeade) from Penn or FC. 

11.  “What goes around comes around.” – Used when someone reaps what they sow or dishes out what they can’t take.  May also be used as lyrics for a pop song if you step on your ex’s toes. 

10. “I’m between a rock and a hard place.” – Used when one finds themselves faced with a tough decision to make or when one must choose between the lesser of two evils.

 9. “He/she is all talk.” – Used when someone talks the talk, but never walks the walk.  Most commonly used when referring to my great friend Tori. 

 8. “Just shooting the breeze” – Used when talking to someone about lighthearted subjects.  Also used to trick people into thinking you and someone else are talking about something lighthearted when really you’re about to get in a knock-down-drag-out.   

7. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” – Used to put something off until one is required to deal with it later on down the road (i.e. Lauren, what are you going to do when you graduate?  I’ll cross that bridge when I get there).

 6. “Fly by the seat of my pants” – Used to indicate being laid back and going with the flow.  I tend not to prefer flying by the seat of my pants; however, I find myself using this phrase often.  Maybe I’m becoming more laid back as I get older.  I can thank my anti-plan BFF Bex for that!

5. “To each his own.” – Used to accept differences among people.  I find myself using this cliché when I can’t think of anything nice to say about someone’s personal preferences.

4. “The more the merrier!” – Used to indicate that having more people around will in turn make one happier.  I use this one quite often because I really like to be around people.  It is because of this phrase that I tend to find myself hanging out with really random groups of people; but, I wouldn’t have it any other way!

3. “That was the straw that broke the camel’s back .” – Used to express that one has had it up to here with something.  My dear mother introduced this cliché to me and I’m so glad that she did because obviously I find myself using it a lot.

2. “Been there, done that.” – Used to indicate that one has already partaken in a particular activity.  May also be used to indicate one’s previous attachment to someone of the opposite sex. 

1. “Go with the flow.” – Used to convey one’s desire to fly by the seat of their pants.  This cliché may be used interchangeably with and goes hand in hand with number six.  It is my most used cliché because I am a people pleaser and people pleasers must be prepared to go with the flow.

There you have it!  A list of my most used overused sayings and phrases.  And this is only a handful of the clichés one may hear me incorporate into my everyday conversations.   Be looking for Clichés Part II and III for more cliché fun!  

Boys Will Be Boys

The following is a conversation I overheard between two of the boys I nanny for (Garrison is 7 and Cade is 8):

Garrison:  Did you know that I have SIX [Nintendo] DS games?

Cade: Really!  I think I have SEVEN games!  Or EIGHT maybe!

Garrison:   Oh, well I have a friend that has TEN games!

Cade:  My cousin has FOURTEEN games!  But he probably won’t let you play them because he doesn’t know you.

And so the story goes:  boys love to one-up each other.  From a young age boys are inclined to prove their masculinity to their other testosterone infested friends.  Furthermore, I have found that the one-upping continues as boys grow older, although on a larger scale and slightly subtler.  While big boys may argue about who has the faster car, the prettier girlfriend or the most money, they tend to do so in a less obvious fashion, flaunting their girlfriend around in front of the guys or cruising around in their expensive foreign sports car.  No, big boys don’t waste their time with conversations such as the one you read above; they prefer to one-up by doing, showing, flaunting, etc. 

Having grown up with two sisters and no brothers, this post is of course simply based on my recent observations of the opposite sex; however, I believe I have been around enough guys and have listened to enough “guy talk” to support my claim.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not writing this with the intention of bashing the male species; in fact, I admire their unwavering desire and ambition to be the best.  Of course it would be nice if these efforts were geared more toward being the most gentlemanlike, the sweetest, or the most well-mannered, but maybe it's a start.  

Garrison and Cade

Is Twitter the new Facebook?

One May morning as I was routinely creeping around on Facebook and somewhat listening to the ladies of The View discuss the latest hot topics in Hollywood, my attention was snagged as Whoopi introduced the co-founders of the hot, new social network known as Twitter.  For over a year I had heard endless talk of this new form of communication and while it had sparked my interest I wasn't fascinated enough to check it out for myself.  As Evan Williams and Biz Stone joined Whoopi, Joy, Sherri, Elisabeth and Barbara on the interview couch I finished catching up on the Facebook updates I had missed during my eight hour slumber and tuned in.  As the two men explained this new trend to both the women of The View and the millions of curious women tuned in, I began to find my curiosity heightening.   Mr. Williams and Mr. Stone explained that the creator of Twitter, Jack Dorsey, found his motivation for creating this new social network simply from wanting to know what his friends were doing at all times.  As I continued intently listening to these two men plead their case I began to let my skepticism subside and opened my mind to the exciting world of Twitter.  Like Whoopi, I was extremely confused as to the overall purpose and idea behind Twitter.  But one thing was for sure, I definitely wanted to know what my friends were doing at all times, too!  Who wouldn't?

So as I finished watching The View that morning I opened my laptop to the Twitter website and created an account.  Come to find out some of my friends were already on Twitter and I was able to locate them with ease.  After "following" the common folk that I actually know, I decided to branch out and began to follow Oprah, Ellen Degeneres, Brand New, Derek Jeter and Shaq.  I soon realized that I didn't really care what famous people were doing, especially those who posted new tweets every 30 minutes (cough, Shaq).  Needless to say, I stopped following Shaq; but, other than the other four friends I had on Twitter, I was limited in my following capabilities.  Luckily, a friend of mine visited from Texas a week later and informed me that he too was on Twitter!  After quickly seeking each other out on our new social network we began to spread the word and in three days we had successfully marketed to three of our friends, who I am proud to say are now part of the wonderful world of Twitter.  

As I grow more and more attached to Twitter I can't help but wonder if this is just a passing trend that will fizzle out in time as I begin to grow less and less interested in the current events of my friends.  I would like to think that as I become more experienced in tweeting, re-tweeting, following and being followed, my love for Twitter will only continue to grow; however, if I can't seem to get anymore of my friends to sign up and let me follow their every move I don't foresee my relationship with Twitter growing.  So, to all you skeptical "Facebook only" people out there, step outside the social networking box and give Twitter a chance.  After all, Twitter could very well be the new Facebook and you don't want to be out of the loop.

Oh, to be a kid again!

As I sat by the pool today reading William Young’s The Shack amidst the innocent chatter of the four kids I nanny for, I couldn’t help but envy their youth.  As they ran, splashed and enjoyed the freedom of summer, I began racking my brain for similar memories from years ago.  I remember summer days spent in a swimming pool and summer nights spent playing outside with the neighborhood kids until Mom finally called us in when the fireflies began to glow.  I remember the smell of aloe and bug spray on my pink skin, combined with the smoky, barbeque scented air.  I remember the sound of crickets as the sun set and country music playing on the radio.  I have so many fond childhood memories that are constantly being triggered by the innocent and bright-eyed faces of the four kids you see below; yet, I find myself feeling older and less youthful each and every day. 

Cade, Garrison, Abby, Grant

While at the age of 21 I still consider myself youthful to some degree, hunting Easter eggs and opening Christmas presents with all of the other cousins rather than the adults, I am constantly being bombarded with issues, concerns and problems that are in no way youthful.  How am I going to pay off my seemingly endless student loans that I will have accumulated after four years at a private college that offered me an equivalent education to that of a state school?  Or better yet, where am I going to meet a handsome young doctor to pay off those loans for me?  What do I do after college?  What sort of jobs are General Business majors even qualified for?  Did I waste $80,000 and four years of my life to be stuck in a dead end job that I may not even like?  When I was six none of these questions ever entered my mind.  I was more concerned with what my mom was cooking for dinner than about being able to afford dinner period.  Barbie and Ken’s wedding was the social event of the season and the biggest dilemma I had to face was beating the last level of Donkey Kong.  Man, how I would love to be stressed out about Donkey Kong again. 

Traditionally, we become adults at the age of 18; however, three years later, I feel no more apt to be an adult now than I did then.  After 18 years of being guided, or bossed around rather, by our parents we are thrown into the college scene only to be kicked out into the real world four years later.  All of this without one clue as to what comes next.  I remember not wanting to grow up.  I particularly remember crying myself to sleep one night when I was probably 10 years old because I was terrified of growing up.  I didn’t want to leave my family, I didn’t want to make new friends; I didn’t want to change.  Eleven years later I know why I was so scared; yet, at the same time I also see the benefits and the necessity of change.  Without such we are no different tomorrow than we are today and where is the fun in that?  Change has been an amazing benefactor for me throughout the three years of my “adult” life.  It was change that forced me out of my comfort zone when I was alone at college; it was change that led me to the people that I will always call lifelong friends; it was change that gave me the courage to be me; and it is change that will continue to mold me and guide me toward bigger and better things.

To this day the smell of bug spray and aloe, the sound of crickets at dusk, and 90’s country on the radio all trigger faint memories from my youth that only exist in the depths of my brain.  It is those memories, however, that are able to keep my spirits high and my worries minimal as I seek out the next step in my life.  Granted, I have a whole year until I will be kicked out into the real world, but the simple fact that I know it is coming is horrifying enough. 

In the New Testament Jesus said to the crowd, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3, NIV).  Perhaps if we truly strive to possess the youthful innocence of a child we will find rest, comfort and most of all peace.  Because in the grand scheme of things my student loans don’t matter, but the lifelong friends I have accumulated do; my career won’t satisfy all my desires, but God will; and, the years I have spent worrying are not going to add any years to my life, they are simply going to hinder my experiences on this earth.  Although I cannot physically become a child again, I can seek the innocence of a child and in turn hope to discover a long lost peace that transcends all understanding.  And that is comforting.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  -Philippians 4:7-8, NIV        

He's Just Not That Into You

While the title of this post may lead one to believe they are about to read a movie review, I have alternative plans for the purpose of this post.

"He's Just Not That Into You", a romantic comedy released in February 2009, documents the personal lives of five women and conveys their desperation to find love and their struggles after having lost love.  After seeing this movie for the second time I discovered that I had formed my own opinions about love and relationships in general, which is entirely what led me to this keyboard tonight.

After four years of dating a guy (we'll call him Faithful) in junior hight/high school that was two and a half years older than me I found myself falling for another guy (we'll call him Delusional) who, according to my parents, hung the moon.  We kissed, I cheated on Faithful, and Delusional and I started dating; all at the ripe old age of 17.  (Remember Delusional as he will most likely be referred to again in blogs to come.) 

After dating Delusional for three years only to find out he cheated on me for two of those years, I finally freed myself of a seven-year itch.  For the first time in seven years I was without a boyfriend, I was without a constant in my life, and I was happy.  I was finally free from my incessant compulsion to be with another person and as I began my new life on my own I could feel weights being lifted off my shoulders.  

Nearly two years later as I reflect on those seven years I spent burdened by the constraints of a relationship, I find that I have made little to no headway in my lacking desire to be in love again.  While some girls are sniffing out Mr. Right like bloodhounds, searching the nooks and crannies of every singles' hotline in the area, I find myself running in the opposite direction of any specimen of the opposite sex that may be the slightest bit interested in asking me my name.  This desire to avoid the opposite sex has caused somewhat of a concern for my mother who is growing evermore antsy to have grandchildren; yet, I have assured her that it won't last forever.  Surely it won't, right?

I am afraid of love.  I have been afraid of love for two years.  And once I discovered my fear of love I was then afraid of being afraid.  I have my reasons for being scared of love, as most people do for being scared of anything, but those reasons are meant for another day and time.  My fear of love leads me to question my ability to love.  While I know I am capable of loving another human being, I possess no desire to do so.  And because I do not want to love another person I refrain from putting myself in situations that may lead me to even like another person.  This must come across as odd to those out there who are in love, or at least those who think they are in love; but, I have come to terms with my lacking desire to love and therefore do not intend to let it worry me.     

While I could go on and on about the pitfalls of love and the benefits of singleness, I will save that for another day.  At this point in my life I am content and that is all that matters.  I will continue to avoid love at all costs, but it will wait for me.  Five years down the road when I least expect it I know that love will come creeping back, begging to reveal its splendor.  After much deliberation I will most likely give love the second, well third, chance that it may deserve, all the while hoping and praying that it will not mislead me again.  And if I am naive enough to put my faith in the words sung by Ewan McGregor in an elephant tower in hopes of convincing yet another leery female of the greatness of love, I will discover that "Love is a many splendid thing; love lifts us up where we belong.  All you need is love."  Until then, I will bask in my freedom and continue not to wonder if he's just not that into me; because, after all, it makes no difference if he is or not to someone who is avoiding love.  

    

Not Your Average Normal Life

Someone once told me that I was "too cool for a normal life."  That same someone also told me not to look back in several years and wish I had tried something that I didn't.  While these comments served as great motivation for my traveling dreams, it also posed the question, "What constitutes a normal life?"  Are some careers more 'normal' than others?  Are there some extracurricular activities that are labeled more 'normal' than others?  In order to break free from a normal life I realized that I must first identify a normal life.         

I would venture to say that most of the people I know live a somewhat normal life.  My parents, both teachers and coaches, get up every morning, go to school, teach and coach ignorant students all day, and then retire home to their house in the country, where they then have a host of chores and tasks to accomplish before it's time to support my younger sister at one of her numerous extracurricular activities.  Some days they may not even make it home before leaving to attend one of my sister's activities.  My parents have a normal life.  It's a busy life, but it is, for the most part, a normal life.  

I lived a normal life under the influence of my parents for 18 years.  After moving out of the house three years ago to attend college I was given the chance to break the mold of my normal life; however, until now, I was blindly unaware of the fact that a different life existed.  Now that I am aware of this reality, I am dedicated to making a life for myself that is out of the ordinary; a life that is unpredictable, yet reliable; thrilling, yet peaceful; adventurous, yet productive.  I want to break the mold.  I want to make my own life.  I want to be me.

I am a dreamer.