The McKee's Go To Mexico

After spending a week on the beach in the Mayan Riviera and withstanding a cancelled flight back to the U.S., my family finally returned to the states a month ago where we were greeted at DFW International with friendly English-speaking airport personnel with Southern accents. Mexico was awesome, but it sure felt great to be back in the land of the free with normal ketchup, safe water, and no language barrier (well, less of a language barrier).

The fam at the Mayan city of Tulum.

Our week in Mexico was full of laughs, surprises, awkward moments, and setbacks. Thankfully I kept a journal of each of these occurrences. While reading them I have suddenly come to the conclusion that if some desperate movie producer decided to make a movie based on McKee Family vacations it would undoubtedly show up next to Earnest Goes to Camp and National Lampoon's Vacation at Blockbuster. Don't believe me? Keep reading.

In order to save a little bit of money on our airfare, my parents decided that we should fly out of Dallas rather than Oklahoma City; so, the Sunday morning before our flight we loaded up the truck and headed south on I-35 excited about our upcoming vacation. Our flight was at 7:00 on Monday morning, meaning we would need to be at the airport at 5:00 A.M. My mom made everyone their own personal food baggie filled with pretzels and crackers for the flight because Heaven forbid the McKee’s go two and a half hours without eating. My dad, being the opposite of laid back, made us ALL set the alarms on our phones for different times between 3:30 and 4:20 to ensure we wouldn’t oversleep and miss our flight; all this along with a 3:45 wake-up call from the front desk.

Five alarms and one wake-up call later we were at the airport, bags in tow, ready to get to Mexico. My older sister Lindsey was set on flying out in style, wearing a dress, wedges and a full face of makeup. I, on the other hand, was perfectly content makeup-free, still wearing the basketball shorts and T-shirt I had put on the previous morning.

Hanging out at DFW International Airport at 5:00 a.m.

After gathering all our luggage from the baggage claim of the Cancun airport we headed toward Customs only to be selected for a random luggage search. It was at this point in time, as two native airport workers were rummaging through our personal belongings, that my dad discovered that his Aqua Velva had spilled in his suitcase and was all over his festive tropical shirts. Slight buzz-kill, but we all bounced back and headed out the door toward our shuttle.

Upon exiting the airport I was immediately offered a “cerveza” after accidentally reading a sign on the “Welcome Bar” out loud that said, “Cerveza por favor.” Of course I declined and boarded the hotel shuttle.

An hour and a half later we were dropped off at the Catalonia Riviera Maya where we were greeted with tropical juice in champagne glasses. We received our all-inclusive bracelets and headed to our hotel rooms to change into our swimsuits and head to the beach.

We headed out to the pool area only to be welcomed by old, topless women at the swim up bar. After adjusting to the shock and regaining our appetites we hit up the snack bar. At this point we had gone nearly five hours without eating which may have been a McKee family record.

Ok, since this blog is already entirely too long I am going to proceed by summing up the rest of our vacation with bulleted lists:

Monday

• Mom wore her T-shirt backwards for a good sum of the day.
• First time for me to fly over water.
• First time for me to use an airplane bathroom.
• Filled out form indicating any swine flu symptoms we may have.
• Wore the exact same outfit for 28 hours.
• Lindsey got a drink bought for her as soon as we got to the resort.
• Topless swimmers.

Me and Dad on the plane. This is the outfit I wore for 28 hours.

Tuesday

• Rode waves in the ocean for my first and last time. Got motion sick and decided I don’t like the ocean as much as I like the beach.
• Dad taught my little sister how to take a shot.
• Quote from Dad: “I thought you could only eat avocados after they had been guacamolized.”
• Mom sipped a 1-ounce shot of Parrot Bay.
• Ate peppers for the first time on the best fajitas ever.
• Hung out in the hotel lounge with my sisters.
• Called Mom and Dad’s room at one in the morning to let them know we were back safely and weren’t sure if it was dad on the phone, so my little sister called him back and quizzed him to verify his identity.
• Watched our black and white TV. Found out that after 30 minutes it switched to color (unless you hit the top, then it only took 3 seconds).

Dinner at the Mexican restaurant at our resort.

Wednesday

• Gave Dad a Spanish lesson at dinner. Informed him that speaking to the natives in a loud voice and adding “o” to the end of English words does not ensure that they will understand you.

Thursday

• Zip-lined through the jungle.
• Tour guide knew Mom’s name and partial life story within the first hour of the trip.
• Mom wore her motion-sickness preventive wristbands on the ride to the zip-line and still almost had to pull over.
• Swam in a cenote.
• The McKee family was in the background of everyone else’s cenote picture.
• I dropped my snorkel and mask as soon as I set foot in the cenote and they sunk to the bottom while flailing for my life, so my little sister used her long legs and long toes to retrieve them.
• Lindsey lost her second pair of Coach sunglasses.
• Learned that Caesar dressing is made out of anchovies.

The McKee's in the cenote.

Friday

• Counted 50 mosquito bites on my body from the zip-line in the jungle.
• Mom gave me some of my little sister’s epidermis dermatitis pills (relieves itching).
• Ended up taking a four-hour nap on the beach because apparently if you don’t actually have epidermis dermatitis the pills work as a mild sedative.

Saturday

• Lindsey and I spent the morning in the hotel spa.
• Got to the airport three hours before our flight only to find out it had been delayed two hours.
• Found out an hour later that it was in fact cancelled.
• Stayed the night at the Courtyard by Marriott in Cancun.
• Got up at 3 in the morning to catch our new flight.
• Realized that Mom spoke to every single native she encountered with proper English. Their confused and utterly lost expression did not faze her.
• Arrived back at the Cancun airport where the security alarms began sounding throughout the entire airport. There was never an explanation.
• My backpack got searched and wiped down with wet wipes. No explanation for that either.
• Arrived in Dallas and kissed the ground.

McKee Family vacations are, without a doubt, always overly dramatic, super embarrassing and slightly awkward at times; however, I think I can speak for all of us when I say we had a blast in Mexico and enjoyed our week of family bonding, sun, food, swimming, and relaxation.