As I sat by the pool today reading William Young’s The Shack amidst the innocent chatter of the four kids I nanny for, I couldn’t help but envy their youth. As they ran, splashed and enjoyed the freedom of summer, I began racking my brain for similar memories from years ago. I remember summer days spent in a swimming pool and summer nights spent playing outside with the neighborhood kids until Mom finally called us in when the fireflies began to glow. I remember the smell of aloe and bug spray on my pink skin, combined with the smoky, barbeque scented air. I remember the sound of crickets as the sun set and country music playing on the radio. I have so many fond childhood memories that are constantly being triggered by the innocent and bright-eyed faces of the four kids you see below; yet, I find myself feeling older and less youthful each and every day.
Cade, Garrison, Abby, Grant
While at the age of 21 I still consider myself youthful to some degree, hunting Easter eggs and opening Christmas presents with all of the other cousins rather than the adults, I am constantly being bombarded with issues, concerns and problems that are in no way youthful. How am I going to pay off my seemingly endless student loans that I will have accumulated after four years at a private college that offered me an equivalent education to that of a state school? Or better yet, where am I going to meet a handsome young doctor to pay off those loans for me? What do I do after college? What sort of jobs are General Business majors even qualified for? Did I waste $80,000 and four years of my life to be stuck in a dead end job that I may not even like? When I was six none of these questions ever entered my mind. I was more concerned with what my mom was cooking for dinner than about being able to afford dinner period. Barbie and Ken’s wedding was the social event of the season and the biggest dilemma I had to face was beating the last level of Donkey Kong. Man, how I would love to be stressed out about Donkey Kong again.
Traditionally, we become adults at the age of 18; however, three years later, I feel no more apt to be an adult now than I did then. After 18 years of being guided, or bossed around rather, by our parents we are thrown into the college scene only to be kicked out into the real world four years later. All of this without one clue as to what comes next. I remember not wanting to grow up. I particularly remember crying myself to sleep one night when I was probably 10 years old because I was terrified of growing up. I didn’t want to leave my family, I didn’t want to make new friends; I didn’t want to change. Eleven years later I know why I was so scared; yet, at the same time I also see the benefits and the necessity of change. Without such we are no different tomorrow than we are today and where is the fun in that? Change has been an amazing benefactor for me throughout the three years of my “adult” life. It was change that forced me out of my comfort zone when I was alone at college; it was change that led me to the people that I will always call lifelong friends; it was change that gave me the courage to be me; and it is change that will continue to mold me and guide me toward bigger and better things.
To this day the smell of bug spray and aloe, the sound of crickets at dusk, and 90’s country on the radio all trigger faint memories from my youth that only exist in the depths of my brain. It is those memories, however, that are able to keep my spirits high and my worries minimal as I seek out the next step in my life. Granted, I have a whole year until I will be kicked out into the real world, but the simple fact that I know it is coming is horrifying enough.
In the New Testament Jesus said to the crowd, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3, NIV). Perhaps if we truly strive to possess the youthful innocence of a child we will find rest, comfort and most of all peace. Because in the grand scheme of things my student loans don’t matter, but the lifelong friends I have accumulated do; my career won’t satisfy all my desires, but God will; and, the years I have spent worrying are not going to add any years to my life, they are simply going to hinder my experiences on this earth. Although I cannot physically become a child again, I can seek the innocence of a child and in turn hope to discover a long lost peace that transcends all understanding. And that is comforting.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:7-8, NIV
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